You Can What

‘So you’re telling me–

         ‘I am.’

‘Let me finish.’

         ‘Go ahead.’

‘You’re telling me that you can lift that ute.’  

         ‘I absolutely can.’

‘That ute right over there?’

         ‘Yep, should be doable.’        

‘With your bare hands?’

         ‘Wouldn’t have it any other way.’

‘You think that’s a thing that’s, like… physically possible.’

         ‘Aluminium is light, man.’       

‘Run that one past me again?’

         ‘Aluminium.’

‘I’m familiar.’

         ‘It’s quite a light metal.’

‘Certainly.’

         ‘So… I reckon I could lift it, yeah.’

‘I guess my first question, then–’

         ‘Hit me.’

‘Do you think that utes, these utility vehicles, are made entirely from aluminium?’

         ‘Well, I know that Steve has had a couple with aluminium ute canopies.’

‘I’m not sure I grasp your point.’        

         ‘That’s aluminium, isn’t it?’

‘But that’s… that’s just the canopy.’

         ‘Correct.’

‘So you think… you think because the canopy is made of aluminium, that it’ll make the rest of the ute ­– a vehicle composed almost entirely of steel – suitable for being lifted into the air by an average adult man?’

         ‘Yeah, I reckon so.’

‘That’s an accurate representation of your beliefs?’

         ‘Well, not fully into the air.’    

‘Oh no?’

         ‘That’d be ridiculous.’ 

‘Sure would be.’

         ‘Nah, just like, lift it up a little bit.’

‘Gotcha.’

         ‘Probably could get all four tyres up though.’

‘I’d expect so.’

         ‘Would probably have to get rid of any ute trays, but.’

‘The ute trays? Plural’

         ‘Well, it’s gotta be a couple of utes, doesn’t it?’

‘You tell me, this is your rodeo.’

Yeah, probably a couple, so nobody thinks it’s a fluke.’

‘Right. And the trays?’

         ‘Bit heavy, I reckon.’  

‘So you’re thinking just a big sign? “Ute trays for sale, near Melbourne?”’

         ‘Probably could just put them back afterwards, I guess.’

‘Yeah, it’d be silly to get rid of them completely.’

         ‘Yeah, a little silly.’

‘It makes much more sense to take them off, put them on the ground, wait for a slightly overweight, middle-aged tradie to lift the ute a couple of centimetres off the ground, and then put the trays back on.’

         ‘Mate, when you say it like that, it makes me feel like you’re not taking this seriously.’